Farnham mother's warning over 'mummy wine culture' after six months of sobriety

A Farnham mother has spoken out about the "mummy wine culture" she says contributed to her unhealthy relationship with alcohol after moving to the town.

Harriet Hargreaves, 41, marked six months of sobriety last week and now shares her recovery journey with almost 6,000 followers on Instagram.

The mother of three hopes her story will encourage others to recognise the warning signs before drinking becomes a problem.

Ms Hargreaves said she started the account after deciding to stop drinking on December 31.

"I got into quite a low place at the end of last year," she said.

"It's hard because you almost don't want to say it out loud, because the moment you say it out loud you have to do something about it."

Ms Hargreaves, who moved to Farnham from London around a decade ago with her family, said alcohol quickly became part of making friends after relocating.

"A lot of Surrey towns have this culture where wine at play dates is just normal," she said. "When I moved to Farnham, that was a way of bonding with people. I call it the 'mummy wine culture'.

"A lot of people move from London to Surrey when they have children and they're trying to fit in. When you've just had a child, your confidence is at an all-time low, you're completely sleep deprived and you're looking to make friends."

She said drinking gradually became more than a social activity.

"It became a reward at the end of the day for getting through life with three children," she said.

"I don't know if I was an alcoholic, but I was definitely becoming a grey-area drinker."

Ms Hargreaves, who has ADHD, said that also played a role.

"I have ADHD, and people with ADHD can be very all or nothing," she said. "For me, it became a slippery slope."

She said she would drink up to a bottle of wine a day, which affected both her mental and physical health.

"You think drinking is going to make you feel better, but it just makes everything worse. I was using alcohol to numb myself."

Over Christmas, Ms Hargreaves confided in her sister about how badly she was struggling and decided to stop drinking altogether.

She said giving up alcohol, alongside taking medication for ADHD, had transformed her life.

"The change in my mental health and my health has been amazing," she said.

"Taking ADHD medication has been life-changing.

"Before, I felt like I couldn't carry on. Sobriety has saved me."

Since sharing her story on @sober4evs, Ms Hargreaves has appeared on podcasts discussing sobriety and receives regular messages from people facing similar struggles.

"There are so many people who resonate with it," she said. "People message me saying they're going through the same thing."

She believes alcohol should carry stronger health warnings and that its dangers are too often downplayed.

"Alcohol is a drug and it can be very addictive," she said. "It's often treated as something funny. You go into shops and there are greetings cards joking about needing wine.

"I think we need to be more honest about the damage alcohol can do."

Ms Hargreaves admitted giving up alcohol was particularly difficult because so many social occasions revolve around drinking.

"The first month was the hardest because I had to avoid the places where I'd usually drink," she said.

"After about three weeks my sleep improved and my anxiety started to reduce.

"I still have moments where I miss having a glass of champagne at someone's birthday, but giving up alcohol has been the most uplifting thing I've ever done."

She encouraged anyone struggling with alcohol to seek support, whether through organisations such as Alcoholics Anonymous or by removing themselves from situations that trigger them to drink.

"I want people to know they're not alone," she said. "As soon as you talk about it, things can start to change."

For more about Ms Hargreaves' sobriety journey, visit @sober4evs on Instagram.